As much as I love writing about my recipes and fitness tips, I feel there’s a lot more to me than just ‘AJHfitness’. I don’t mean that in a cocky way, but actually more of something that I’ve learnt about myself in the last year (I’m really sentimental, I know) I always defined myself by how I looked, whether others found me attractive or how much I weighed. On Instagram, my feed would be just pouty selfies or pulling some ridiculous ‘sexy eyes’ look in an attempt to channel my ‘inner’ Kylie Jenner. But, it’s not until recently that I realised I just love genuine photos. Genuine smiles, laughter and emotions. This week I was looking over photos from my end of year netball dinner, when I realised that I’d only just started properly smiling in photos. I don’t mean that I’ve never smiled in a photo before, but my smile was just different (may of just been the fake eyelashes or MAC lipliner…)
My eyes were just so much brighter, I had a massive grin and really, I just wasn’t giving a shit about putting out this ‘seductive’ image. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the occasional saucy photo in order to entice a cheeky DM Slip n’ Slide… (That was not meant to be sexual, trust me)
For my birthday this year, one of my best friends bought me the most amazing present. It was a pair of butterfly earrings. She said it was to symbolise ‘The year of Anna’. Despite at first thinking ‘Shit, I need a new friend’, it really hit me in the feels.
This isn’t me trying to be all sentimental and like ‘Live. Laugh. Love.’, but more of a reflection on my last year. I’ve changed physically through discovering my love good clean food and fitness, but I’d say my biggest change is my mentality. I now value myself as a person and am not afraid to be proud of my achievements.
Bizarrely, when I was really struggling with myself at 16 years old, someone told me that uni would be where I would ‘come into my own’. At the time, I can remember thinking ‘Jeez woman what are you on? Nah honey, not me, nothing can make me happy’. But, she was right. I think new found independence at uni, and just being with a totally new group of people from all over has been the most amazing thing for me. You learn who you want to stay in contact with from home, and who you don’t. You learn that those who made you feel shit and insecure, are actually obscure in the big wide world. You meet the most amazing friends and experience things you just couldn’t being stuck in your own bubble.
I used to be so easily influenced by others opinions, and whether or not people liked me. It wasn’t until I actually just started being myself I realised that I’m actually more likeable. Anyone who knows me, knows I just love having a laugh. I like nothing more than meeting new people who I can connect with on a ‘banterous’ level. Literally, anyone with a sense of humour is right up my alley. Ok, this is not me trying to advertise myself on Tinder…Lordy.
The minute I speak to someone and can tell our comedic levels will ‘gel’ together, I’m literally just like YAAAAASSSS. Because who can be bothered to be boring and serious all the time? Maaaan, I spent too long being shy and hiding my weird (but cool) side.
I used to tweet/instagram the most generic shit, like a selfie with the caption ‘Nearly Summer yay’ or indirect tweet people like ‘omg why are boys so annoying, ffs’ – all because I thought that was what you were meant to do. Now, I just speak my mind, maybe I go too far sometimes, but I just love a good lol. See, I think I show my new found confidence just through the use of the word ‘lol’.
I used to avoid social situations, because I automatically made stupid assumptions about what others would think of me. My eye contact skills were the same as an unborn child, and I would find the negative in everything. I would find every bloody reason not to go to something. Nowadays, I like to think I’m kind of spontaneous and random. In that I will go weeks without going clubbing, and then just decide last minute, to go sober to the shittest club possibly on a Monday night in Leeds. Is that even spontaneous? No clue to be honest, but it feels fun, despite requiring multiple bevs…
This year I’ve realised just how much I want to do. I want to take amazing photos of cities and people. I want to smash every fitness goal I have, and eat amazing food that makes me feel AMAAZIN. I want to have my eyeliner and contour on fleek all the time, and wear bombbbb outfits. I want to travel, read, vlog, blog, talk to and meet endless amounts of new friends from all over. Basically, I want to do everything. eek.
Finding my self worth has been the biggest breath of fresh air. Now, I’m not saying that I’m this ‘Kate Moss bare my nipples and run along a beach naked’ kind of gal, but I would probably run along a beach naked when its dark out….See?! Im weird. But I think I’m a good weird. A groovy, cool weird.
Stay weird pals, trust me.
Peace out, adios, goodbye…
Luuuurve, Anna xxx