The Weird World of Steroids

I’m really not sure why, but this weekend my attention was drawn to the wacky idea of steroids. Not taking them myself… I swear. I just felt intrigued and wanted to know a bit more, so I took to google and wowie chickie dee, I was not expecting the results I found. Some things so bizarre and actually a tadge disturbing I questioned why I was drawn to read more. It’s like watching The Human Centipede, you know ya bloody hate it, but that adrenaline rush of ‘wtf is going on right now’ has you wanting more. I guess that’s what happened this time around! Anyway, I thought it might be of interest to some other people, who like me, had no clue where to even begin. Not begin taking drugs… that sounded wrong. Just understanding them and their side effects a little deeper – and believe me, it gets deep.

Warning: It’s a bit grim. 


 cutie x


So first off… what are roids? (Here’s the sciencey bit) Basically they’re what’s known as ‘performance enhancing drugs’ and when in the form of ‘anabolic steroids’ they refer to hormones that affect the body’s hormonal system to produce extra testosterone. The ultimate goal being to increase muscle mass and muscle building capability. You probably don’t know it, but in your body already exists two types of steroids –  Corticosteroids, a hormone that includes aldosterone, which helps keep ya sodium concentration levels steady in the body, and cortisol, which has multiple roles in the body, one being serving as part of the body’s stress response system to decrease inflammation. Lovely.

The second group of steroids are the androgenic/anabolic steroids – the hormones made in the body to regulate the production of testosterone in the testicles and ovaries. Anabolic and androgenic steroids are often medically used when an individual isn’t able to make enough hormones! Often individuals will illegally use and abuse the anabolic steroids to help increase athletic performance and improve bod appearance, as when used in a well-nourished body, the anabolic steroids cause weight gain mostly due to the increase in muscle mass. Sounds ideal? Think again…

The normal signs of someone taking steroids are rapid weight gain, acne and weird mood swings, but to be honest this could be any female during her lady time or ice cream eating individual going through an emosh break up. Other side effects include excitation, depression, enlargement of the heart, heart palpitations and liver cancer. Not off to a great start if if I’m honest. Often steroids affect women and men completely differently, so I wanted to find some more signs of ‘the juicey roids’ for each – as obviously our hormones are v v different!





  • Infertility
  • Decrease in testicle size
  • Decreased production of sperm
  • Gynecomastia —the growth of booby dooby tissue (breast) (I get awkward)
  • Baldness, which to be fair is the best of a bad bunch…



Quoting the late Rich Piana ‘You’re choosing to turn into a male’ and ‘There is no reason in the world to ever, ever, ever take those drugs’ 

and lastly (my favourite)… ‘your clits gonna grow likea mother*****‘ I apologise for the language, but bluntness is sometimes a litttttle necessary.

  • Excess body and facial hair
  • Clitoral enlargement
  • Deepening of the voice
  • Reduction in breast size
  • Enlargement of pores


Our first example is Heidi Krieger, the German shot put champion who was so masculinized by steroids that she later chose to become a man. Whether or not she used sports as a cover up for an underlying struggle with her gender is unknown, but either way it’s pretty crazy. However, it was thought that Kreiger was among thousands of athletes injured by a German government’s plan to overtake Olympic sports with chemistry. Rumour has it, athletes were told the pills and shots they were given were vitamins and natural supplements. Their large physiques and aggressive behaviour that arose was what inspired the International Olympic Committee’s first drug testing programs in the 70’s! Ooh la la.


The second example is Joanna Clare Thomas, and if you think you’ve seen big female quads before, you have sadly not lived. Joanna Clare Thomas was a Brit professional female bodybuilder known to be the youngest to win her IFBB pro card, at the age of 21. She became interested in the sport at age 14 when she peeked inside a bodybuilding magazine, ah the world before instagramalam. The 107 pound Thomas then joined a nearby gym and began to train with the help of the gym owner who gave her a strict plan to follow. She followed the plan for two years and gained 91 pounds with that program.

She is very muscular and yep, I don’t really have any other words.


Our final, slightly more descriptive example is barmaid Candice Armstrong – bless her no hate whatsoever, you do you – but her steroid abuse effectively turned her into a male. Once a petite blonde, through the use of the juice (rhyme time) she transformed into this hulking brunette with muscles and body hair sprouting from her back, chest, and upper lip. Along with excess body hair and acne, her clitoris actually swelled so much that it has become a mini penis. An actual penis. I KNOW. I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT EITHER. Imagine, good lord wow how do you explain that.  Her breasts also sadly suffered and pretty much just hang there from her hugely overdeveloped pecs. Mhmm, interesting.





Honestly, that’s where my research ended, that was enough for one Sunday. It was an eye opening experience I hope to never have to venture into again. Who knows, you may be wanting to know more. Anywhoo, chicken and exercise is enough for me, god bless. If you’re on the ‘gym candy’ you do you, it’s your life. No judgement. A little bit of judgement, but not enough for me to look at enlarged lady bits again…


Lots of light hearted love, Anna x

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